"Is it possible to have a bad dining experience at a steakhouse?!?!" - Gonzalo (5min before walking in)

(Written a lil over an hour ago on the Subway)  Just left Ben n Jack's and had quite the dining experience!  Ummmm, Where 2 begin?!?!  First I order a medium burger w/mozzarella and no fixings; Gonz orders his burger w/bleu cheese medium rare and all fixings. Burgers take forever, they come and there's no cheese on either. Waiter takes 'em, then brings 'em back out in a (swift manner) but flip-flopped- I now have bleu cheese w/fixings and G has AMERICAN (not even the mozzarella) w/out fixings.  So G switches my bun w/the fixings and his without (good thing they're open-faced).  BUT the waiter swears our burgers are w/the rightful owner.  So we bite into them then cut em in half and well what do u know the waiter is WRONG!  G eats his (mine - medium) cuz he's starving but I figure roll the dice send it back as I've been reassured I’ll get the right order. I'm just not a fan of medium rare especially in burgers!  After about 7min, my burger is on its way looking like a new one but still American cheese (where's the fucking mozzarella)!  I bite in- its cooked- now cut it open cuz it has no taste now and IT'S FUCKING WELL DONE.  Point out to the waiter that it’s well done after I took a few more bites and realized that I just couldn't finish it!  We said no to desert and asked for the check.  While waiting for the check we discuss and conclude there's no way this idiot could Fuck us over and charge us full price. Bill comes and not only are we charged BUT (wait for it)... This idiot had the audacity to charge us $7.95 for the bleu cheese which was an option as cheese to come w/the burger.  [Deep Breath] [Sigh] Instead of flipping out and turning into angry Blackman I decide to stay cool, calm, and collected.  We call the waiter over and we tell him the 2 things that are wrong w/our bill- Gonz's bleu cheese charge and my fucked up order from a mooing cow to a lump of coal.  I ask, "Are YOU actually charging us even though you charged him for free cheese and you messed my order up twice?!?!"  He assures us there isn't a problem and then approaches his manager to tell him the situation.   After deliberating w/one another and (words in Albanian I think which we're pretty sure were curse words or threats), they decide to take off the bleu cheese charge and comp us on my burger. Even though he's a complete fucktard, I felt bad and left him $7 cash. 

32 oz of heat!

Now I'm left w/a fucking 32 oz smoothie from Smoothie Planet in Penn station and an insatiable urge to shit this lump of coal out of me.... 

2011 NYE

Oh what a night!   Scrilla's wife cooked up a feast!   Flank steak n potatoes, salmon n lentils, oysters, wine, what else is a man to want!  Then headed to this spot called "The Backroom".  Cool spot in LES, located in an old toy store front.  Enter through the gate walk down some stairs, down an alley, walk inside then through a bookshelf (I kid you not!).  Very 1920s-esque w/drinks served in teacups!  had one glass of pinot noir and realized there was no way I could continue this nonsense, wine out of a teacup is just unacceptable!  Met a chick who told me she likes chocolate both in and out of her, shit was too much so i backed off from pursuing, just unnecessary, desperation makes the thirst die!  Once upon a time i would have pounced on an opening like that, I guess now I'm growing up (wink)!...   (Should have taken my camera out as I'm starting to realize I need to start taking more pics)...   After party in Billyburg which led to many near altercations and what's becoming an annual hour long sitdown.  (Some people need to relax and take a breath)   Told the host Miami Steve knows jiu-jitsu and that almost started a huge ruckus, HAHA. Some dudes think I'm an antagonist, others think I'm just honest, some just don't give a fuck!   Regardless, it was great to party w/close friends from all facets of life!   Oh by the way we toasted:  HERE'S TO THE TOP 1%!!! last night.  (Yeah that was said)  Wish some could have been there but shit happens and that's life!  

Particle....

Yeah went out last night w/my boy Miami Steve and ended up at a concert by a fish cover band, Particle was their name.  Cost me $19 to get in, now who the fuck charges $19 and not $20.  (Shaking my head) cuz none of this makes sense to me!  Now I have an extra dollar in my pocket and i don't appreciate why!  Luckily drinks were on Steve which has become the norm these days!  (Goose n sprites all day)  Being unemployed and living the dream ain't easy but someone's gotta do it!

Portland, Maine

Lobster Rolls, fried clams, mussels, hippies, PTs, Allagash Brewery, Ciroc, and the JUE...

What a weekend!!!  I never knew a place this cool existed in MAINE.  Go to Portland, ME if you want only the best in seafood.  The lobster rolls are so naturally buttered they don't even ask if you want butter on the side!  The fried clams are amazing.  Being the avid mussels eater that I am, I was utterly impressed w/the bowl of mussels we ordered twice a day!


The hippies on Peake's Isle are as cool as the other side of the pillow.  Oh yeah, I also gave them my John Hancock... Why not?!?!  Ya just never know.  Gotta love a group of people playing folk music on a Friday evening and drinking wine in a hut, you just CAN'T BEAT THAT!

PTs is a place on the outskirts of this  fisherman's town but well worth it esp if your into blonds.  It's prob one of the better strip club's I've been to in the northeast and all I got was one dance, go figure!  But damn was she hott.  If you love hott blonds that are simple (which aren't) then go to PTs.

The Allagash Brewery I hear is great BUT I was too passed out on the front bench to attend!

Eh Yo Diddy - Dirty Money, you would be happy for one word:  CIROC!

Now you may be wondering what is the JUE?  I am not anti-Semitic and as the cliche goes some of my best friends are Jewish; so not to be taken the wrong way, BUT the JUE is an art of negotiation that is very one-sided. So here's the story: Three of us hop in a water taxi, chilling, enjoying life, pounding Ciroc straight, and having a blast.  Then as we're pulling into the pier I text a friend of mine to find out the price (he took an earlier water taxi).  I'm told $50.  Now my boy -we'll call him Mr. Soooooo Smoooooooth- negotiates for a living, decides to use  his talent.  Mind you negotiations usually go 2-ways, but not this one.  Mr. Soooooo Smoooooth asks, "What's the price?" He was told $50.  He then says, "No way!  I'm not paying you that!"  My mouth dropped and I say to myself, "Here we go again!"  Mind you we're at the pier now.  He next says, "I don't care $50 is too much, I'm just not paying you that!  I'll give you $30!"  He was so emphatic about it that the captain I could tell just turned into a feeble human being and agreed without putting up any bit of a fight.  It was then that I named the real art of negotiation the JUE.

FUNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!

At the end of the weekend, all this became possible due to great friends who pooled together the funds for me to attend (scholarship).  Money right now just doesn't exist for your boy, yet I still day trade like a hideous creature.  I guess the term FEAST or FAMINE exist for a reason.

Summer Naked Painting Party (Present)

Never could I ever imagine walking into a bar and everyone is naked.  Nothing left to the imagination, all barriers broken, just cut the bullshit and get straight to the point.  My type of party!  Happiness along with drunkenness filled the air as everyone painted their canvases.  Masterpieces varied from flowers to peace signs to simple initials all over each others bodies on top of the tools used (brushes, fingertips, and hands).

The scene at Gallery Bar was one to remember for ages.  The host was hott herself, but unfortunately she didn't get naked (would of been better if she joined in the festivities).  There were definitely more men than women- exact # not known- BUT can't complain because most of the women were in great shape as well as very attractive.  Plastic wrap draped the walls and floors.  Unfortunately, no cameras were allowed.

Expectations were set very low from my end but after walking into a wonderland I immediately went to the bathroom and changed, then dropped my bag off in coat check.  Hit the bar, grabbed my coworker, and BOOM!  I'm in my boxers standing in the middle of the bar dancing at a painting station, painting every woman's nipples who walked by and danced w/me for 4 hours smiling from ear to ear.  I felt like Michelangelo.    At one point, while dancing w/one of the muses out of no where (haha) my manhood decided to stand to attention.  I immediately backed up and apologized.  Her response, as she giggles, "No worries, its OK!"  And we continued to dance but had to cut it to just one song; blue-balls aren't my thing and surprisingly enough there weren't any condoms around.  By the end, I was covered in paint from my forehead all the way down to my knees.  At the end of the night, I picked up a cougar went to another bar, had a drink, then split a cab home - the recipe for a night filled w/smashing, especially during a full moon.  She didn't accept my advances for a 1-nighter BUT she took my number then proceeded to text me the rest of the night until she fell asleep, I suppose.  Ahhh, what a night...

Just another Wacky Wednesday!

The inception...

“... Either you’re slingin’ crack-rock, or you’ve got a wicked jump-shot.” Nobody wants to work for it anymore. There’s no honor in taking that after school job at Mickey Dee’s, honor’s in the dollar, kid. So I went the white boy way of slinging crack-rock: I became a stock broker."  Seth Davis (Giovanni Ribisi), Boiler Room...

The time:  unsure, but probably sometime during the day when i shoulda been in class.  The place:  Sullivan Hall (dorm), Villanova University.  The year:  2001 (spring).  My condition:  high as a kite.

Upon first hearing this monologue, I just knew this movie was gonna be the truth.  Not the truth as in valid but so much the truth that I didn't realize the inception taking place.  No, I didn't become a stockbroker overnight after watching this movie, but the seed was planted and the tree was growing.